Monday, 24 September 2012

아름다운 밤이야....



You had only been standing on the balcony for about 5 minutes now, smiling about nothing in particular and gazing out at vast expanse of city lights, stretching endlessly at your feet.
‘What a beautiful night…’ you thought, giggling despite yourself, your mind making the instant Kpop connection.
You turn around, leaning back against the railing, feeling slightly giddy. Half a bottle of vodka warms your body, blurring the lines of reality.
Stumbling out of the stuffy crowded hotel room just moments before, you hadn’t even bothered to shut the door to the terrace properly behind you. Inside, you could just make out the muffled voices of those you were closest to, barely a distant hum under ‘난리나’ blasting from a set of iPod speakers. Your eyes searched the crowd, looking for him, but instead they find your best friend, lost amongst the mass of bodies beyond the glass. She was sitting on the couch, next to her  오빠 , who whispers something into her ear. She laughs and responds with something that make him smirk, head down, avoiding her suggestive looks.

You sigh.

Kim had promised she had told him about the party. She swore he seemed keen when she mentioned it to him.
Then where the fuck was he?
The party had only really started an hour and a half ago, but the disappointment still sits in your throat, along with your fading hope.
You sigh again, turning back around to watch the traffic pass by on the street below.
It's nearly 1am.

‘There you are gorgeous…’

You turn, startled.
재범stands, leaning against the frame of the sliding door, arms folded around his torso. You can’t believe it. You had just about given up all hope and yet here he is, standing there, eyes raking your form. He was dressed pretty casually in his black chinos, white wife beater and black chucks. His thick chain and heavy, shiny belt buckle glinting in the dim light, his black chink hat sitting on an angle, topping it all off.
‘Oh hey,’ you say, composing yourself, still feeling tipsy. You clear your throat, which is suddenly dry. ‘I didn’t think you were gunna make it…’
‘Come on now, baby girl…’ he laughs, moving towards you, hands in his pockets. ‘Me? Miss out on seeing you? Hell nah! Not on yo birthday…’
His chink swagger was on full tonight. You smile, taking note of it all.
‘Aw… so sweet of you- ’you say.
Before you know it, he's next to you, really close.
You can smell his cologne, a hint of alcohol, all of it a bit too intoxicating.
You close your eyes, leaning your head back and sigh.
He moves behind you now, both hands gripping the railing on either side of you.
You turn to face him instinctively, both your faces barely inches apart.
‘Damn it baby…’ he breathes into your hair, his lips brushing against the skin of your neck. ‘You look so fucking fine tonight…’
Your feel everything around you spin wildly, everything seeming to slow down around you. You aren’t quite sure what's happening.

‘Whoa babe… steady….’ He says suddenly, his strong, defined tattooed arms wrapping themselves around your waist, holding you up firmly. You rest your head on his shoulder and kiss his neck. He glances down at you and smiled.
He escorts you to a quiet bedroom off to the side of the suite.
To be completely honest you aren’t even aware of where you are until you hear the door click shut softly.
Your eyes snap open. He had laid you down on the bed. You sit up, your head still spinning, but reasonably clearer. You're obviously coming off your buzz very quickly.
You groan, sitting up and clutching the side of your head in attempts to stop the throbbing.
‘Better?’
You whip around suddenly to see him leaning against the bureau, arms folded loosely around his torso in his usual way.
‘Yeah… I …. Uuh….’ You begin, feeling a little more uncomfortable as you come to terms with what's happening around you.
He shifts a little, grinning cheekily.

You had been dating the 박재범  steadily for the past 8 months now. Things had started getting pretty serious recently, even though you had both agreed to take it slowly and steadily. He was, after all, an idol; one of the most wanted men in Korea and abroad. 
At first, they were. Things between the two of you had gone from shy and slightly awkward to comfortable and easy after the first few months into the relationship.
Everything was good.
Life was good.
You couldn’t have asked for better.
Exactly 3 days ago, you had had your first serious couple fight. It was over something that wasn’t even a big deal.
Or so you thought…

That day, you had woken up a little late. You were stressed out already and really just wanted to get back into bed, hide under the covers and never see the world again.
He was the only reason you had even bothered to open your eyes that morning. It was one of the only days in the week that you got to spend actual quality time with your boyfriend.
Stumbling onto the bus (after missing the first one, despite your best efforts) you threw yourself down into the first available seat and sighed, just as your phone began to buzz.

‘I miss you beautiful…’ It read.
‘Looks like rain, but you always bring the sunshine! Can’t wait to see you tonight. Early birthday dinner with your man hahahaha.
Thinking of you Jagi.
 xxx’

You smile to yourself, feeling the butterflies in the pit of your stomach flitting about.

나두 보고싶어^^v
See you tonight xo’ you text back hurriedly.

The day passed by fairly quickly, considering you were anxious to complete you work quickly and efficiently since you arrived that morning.
After closing up and cleaning up hurriedly, you walked out with your college, talking nonsense as usual.

‘OK 동생!!! !’ your co-worker says, hugging you tightly and twirling you around playfully.

As you struggle to free yourself -and breathe- you catch sight of your boyfriend on the sidewalk. He's leaning against a street sign-post, one foot up and resting on it, arms folded.
He face is dark and unreadable under his hat, which was pulled down low over his face.

‘Oh hey babe!’ you squeal excitedly, skipping over to him instantly, trying to wrap your arms around his neck.

He flinches, moving away.
The movement is sudden and unexpected. He has never reacted to you like this before. You feel a little hurt by it.
You blink, arms still outstretched, confused about what's happening.

‘Hey….’ You say, cocking your head to one side. ‘W-what’s wrong?’
He looks at the ground, shuffling his feet.
‘Oppa…. Talk to me.’ you said slowly, dropping your arms and moving towards him again.
He straightens abruptly, slightly startling you.

‘I... uh... I gotta go aye’ His words are sharp. ‘We are gunna have to cancel tonight. Sorry.’ When you don't respond, he shrugs.
잘가…’ He storms off, clearly pissed, leaving you wondering what the hell you did wrong.

You just stand there and stare after him, dumbfounded.
Your mind races at million miles an hour, trying to figure out exactly what the fuck just happened.

What the eff…. I have to text Kim…you think automatically.

Something is obviously seriously wrong.

어디야? Help me! 어떻게…. TT   you type frantically and hit send.

 20 minutes later, you were sitting outside Lorne Street Café with Kim and her boyfriend, who always managed to take a million hours off work to sit with you guys whenever you go there for coffee.
"김치…." You whined at her. "왜그래!!!! 어떡해…."
 She had been staring at her boyfriend the whole time you had emotionally relayed your story to her and now, 10 minutes later, she still hadn’t responded. You could bet anything that she hadn’t even heard a word you said.
"He’s jealous… Obviously 언니! Come on!" Kim replied off-handedly, leaning back in her chair, eyes still fixated on her boyfriend.
"What…." You blinked.  "Jealous of what?!" you asked incredulously.
"DUH! Ben…" She rolled her eyes.
"Ben…. IS GAY!!!!"
"I KNOW THIS!" she yelled back, "But 오빠 doesn’t… How would you feel if you saw some random bitch putting her hands all over 오빠, huh?"
You mull over this for a moment.
"Be honest. Explain things to him. It will be fine" Kim’s boyfriend chips in monotonously, standing up. "I gotta go back to work. I’ll see you later, 자기." He says bending to kiss Kim passionately. You shift uncomfortably.
Neither of you say anything as you both watch him strut away.
"OK… I think he’s right…" you sighed finally.
"Yeah…" Kim sighs too, still staring after him as he disappears inside.  "He IS fine huh?" She smiles.
You leaned back in your seat, shaking your head at her silently.
 GOD, what a useful best friend you have indeed…
You didn’t see or hear from Jay the next day. He wasn’t responding to your texts or calls. Kim had told you to give him some space, and even though you agreed, you just weren’t that type of person. You needed to talk to him.  was stubborn and he wouldn’t admit to things easily or tell you what was wrong unless you absolutely dug it out of him. He didn’t get mad or upset with you very often, as far as you could tell, but when he did… It was obvious that he dealt with such things like a 5 year old.

In your attempts to see him, corner him into not avoiding you so you could talk this shit out, you had even skipped class to attend a lecture with Kim. A class you knew he also attended.
You had both shuffled in at least 20 minutes late thanks to Kim and her boyfriend, who made out for at least 15 minutes while you stood nearby, anxious to get to a class you didn’t even take.

You sigh.

Being late did have its advantages, though.
At least you could scan the crowded room for him. You hold your breath as your eyes frantically search the mass of faces for any sign of him - or his hat. You know every single one in his endless collection.
You can’t see him anywhere.
Your heart sinks.
You hurriedly follow your best friend and sink into the chair beside her, staring at the desk, feeling utterly deflated.

"Hey, 오빠, um…. Where’s ?" You hear Kim whisper urgently.

You turn instantly at the sound of his name to face her. You hadn’t even realize that you guys had taken up the seats next to his best friend.
Josh Kim smiles at you, clearly amused by your reaction. He’s obviously heard about what happened. You really just want to get up, grab him by the scruff of his shirt and shake him until he tells you exactly what you want to know. He was, after all, your boyfriend’s best friend. They gossiped just as much as you and Kim did! But you know the only way to fix this, and save to yourself from making a scene, is to find your boyfriend and talk it out, one on one - privately.

"He… um…. Didn’t come to class today…" Josh replies hesitantly, scratching his head softly.

"아이씨진자 바보야! I can see this! Give me a straight answer, 오빠" Kim snaps impatiently. Josh flinches as if expecting to be hit.

"김치왜그래…" he whines, "To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure where he is aye. He texted me pretty late last night and we went out drinking, but I had to go home early. Last I saw, he was still at the bar."

"What the fuck?" Kim hisses, loud enough so that a few people turned to look.
"With who?" she seethes, gritting her teeth and cracking her knuckles.

You hold your breath, tears pricking up in your eyes. You aren’t entirely sure how prepared you are for the answer…

"Oh you know…" Josh says, grinning and leaning back, clearly amused, "a few hot- OW FUCK- I was kidding man! It was just us at this quiet sake bar out south! Kim, bro! You hit like a dude!"

They carried on arguing playfully, but you weren’t listening anymore.
Dear God, what had this misunderstanding turned into?
Was he really that jealous of some gay guy you happened to be friends with?
Why the hell is he being so stubborn?
You wish he would just pick up the fucking phone, at least once, just to hear you out instead of drowning his sorrows in a bar somewhere. Why did he have to resort to getting trashed? Surely, he would realise how silly the whole thing was.
Ben was gay for fuck sake!
What a great way to spend your birthday week…


You didn’t go to school that Friday. You just didn’t have the energy or the heart to go.
After much deliberation, you texted your boyfriend one last time that day.
You said you hoped to see him tomorrow night at the party. 
Your best friends had been the ones that organised it for you. If it was up to you, it wouldn’t be happening at all. You didn’t really feel like doing anything at all, really.
You had lain in bed the next day, listening to sad Kpop songs but refusing to cry. You had made up your mind. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. If only your stubborn boyfriend would stop sulking like a fucking child!
You’re just making your 4th paper star of the day to add to your collection, when you hear your phone go off. You jump up to grab it, ripping the charger out of the wall as you do so.
It’s from Kim.
Your heart sinks just a little.
You sigh and open it.

‘Guess who I just saw…’ it reads.

You stare at the message, just blinking.

‘Who?’

You weren’t really in the mood for this, but you decide to humour her.

‘Your boyfriend…’

Your eyes widen at once.
You can’t believe it. The one fucking day you decide not to go to Uni, of course HE does.
Fuck!’ You think to yourself. ‘Fuckfuckfuck!’

After much teasing and eliciting bribery from you, your dongseng had finally told you all that you needed to know.
She saw him passing by a class she was waiting for and she stopped him. She said that he seemed ok, but distant. Definitely not his usual self.
After some small talk, she had casually asked if she would see him at your party on Saturday night. She said he stopped to contemplate this, and then looked like something dawned on him. She said he smiled, assuring her he’d be there and then left.
That was all.
You doubted that he would come but you had held the slightest hope he would turn up at some point during the night. It was, after all, his girlfriend’s birthday.


And yet, here you are, in this dimly lit hotel room, alone with him while the party – your party – rages on in the lounge of the suite in your absence.
You blink at him.
You relay the events of the past few days again in your head.
He just stares at you.
Suddenly, you feel very self-conscious.

"… I --" you begin shakily

He just stares at you, unblinking, waiting for you to finish.
You sigh.
"Now is not the time to bring this up…" you decide.
You stand, straightening your skirt shakily.
"We should probably get back to the party. They must be wondering where we are…" you say reluctantly.
Just then you hear everyone from the other room cheering. Jay just smiles at you.
"Oh, I don’t think they miss us that much. Can’t I spend a few minutes alone with my girl on her birthday?"
He grabs you by the waist and leans in.
‘No…’ you think, mind humming. ‘I can’t let this slide.’

"Baby," you say, in your futile attempts to get out of his grip.
"How can you act like this after everything that’s happened? You ignore me for like 3 days! And now, you waltz in and expect to just kiss me and act like nothing happened? Do you have any idea how miserable and WORRIED I’ve been?!"
"Come on baby, don’t be like that…" he says, his voice low, as he tries to kiss you again.
"Ugh, you’re drunk… let’s talk about this in the morning. I’m definitely way too sober for this shit." you say, sounding almost disgusted, pulling his hands from around you and moving towards the door.
"Fuck it. Baby! Hold up man— Shit--!" he says, taking his hat off and rubbing his head. He slumps onto the bed.
"Come here baby girl" he says, patting the bed bedside him, willing you to sit down. He grins at you. you roll your eyes, arms folded tightly over your torso, but you comply.
"OK" he begins, exhaling deeply.
"Let’s get one thing straight. You are MY girl aiight? And I hate seeing other guys touch you OK? So when that nigger put his hands on you--"
You laugh heartily, cutting him off.
He blinks at you, confused.
"Baby….." you say slowly, taking his hand in yours. "Ben is gay…"
He says nothing, just blinking at you as your words sink in.
"Aaaaaaaaye?! Fuck no!" he drawls, half laughing and suddenly amused.
You sit there, rolling your eyes as he rants on and makes sad jokes about the whole thing as if it hadn’t fazed him in the least to begin with.
He turns to you, his face suddenly serious.
"Baby, you know I’m a very jealous man right?" he says slowly, taking a piece of your hair and twirling it between his fingers.
"You don’t say…" you say sarcastically, rolling your eyes theatrically.
"Are you getting lippy with me, Missy?" he asks huskily, smirking. His eyes travel from your eyes to your lips.
You swallow, hard.
"N-no" you stammer, suddenly feeling very hot.
"Better not be," he breathes against your ear, "or imma have to teach you a lesson baby…" His eyes glint lustfully in the dim light of the room.
You start feeling a little light headed.
"These…" he says cupping your face and brushing his finger over your lips. "These pretty lips… are mine, and you will only ever use them the way I want you to…" he says huskily, "알았어?"



He leans in to kiss you. It’s full and passionate. His lips guide yours sensually. He nips at your bottom lip. You moan into the kiss. He smirks at this and entangles his fingers in your hair, pulling you into him harder. You reach up and grab him by the scruff of his singlet, pulling him closer. His tongue flickers against your swollen lips and you part them, granting him entry. He groans and playfully coaxes your tongue with his.
Nothing else seems to be very important right now.
Fuck the fight.
It wasn’t even really a fight. You don’t even care anymore.
His tongue continues to hypnotically coaxing you into this intoxicating frenzy. He quickens the pace of the kiss, biting gently on your lower lip and his hands travel up you thigh, hiking up the skirt of your dress in the process. He leaves a wet trail of kisses along your jaw and down your neck.

"All of this…" he breathes between kisses "Is mine. Got that?"

You close your eyes, savouring every kiss he leaves on your damp skin. Your body is at full attention, his for the taking. You feel his hands snake their way up you back.

You shiver.

He smiles, expertly unhooking your bra through the fabric of your dress at the same time. You gasp as it becomes slack around your body. He looks up at you smirking and removing the bra from beneath your dress, before dipping his head down to suckle you through the thin material. You moan his name, throwing your head back as his tongue and lips expertly elicit guttural moans and soft whimpers from you. He’s clearly pleased with himself for this. He straightens suddenly, standing over you at the edge of the bed. You sit up instantly, hands desperately clutching for him. He grabs your shirt and helps you slip it over your head gently, his rough hands brushing against your waist as he does so.
He pulls his own shirt off quickly, grabbing your thighs, sliding you to the edge of the bed, holding you by the back of your knees. You instinctively wrap your legs around his waist as he leans down to suckle softly on your neck.

‘What am I doing?’ You hear you mind say, dully. You stopped caring a while ago.

"You sure you ready for this, baby?" he whispers mockingly, his breathing laboured, hands still clutching your thighs, pressing you against him, hard.

You look into his eyes and then kiss him deeply, imitating what he did earlier with his tongue on yours. He takes this as a sign to shift you onto a pillow. He kisses you as his fingers work quickly to unzip your dress, leaving kisses on the skin he exposes in the process. He pulls the dress off your form and discards the flimsy garment hastily, positioning himself between your legs, which fall open for him all too easily. He looks down at you, eyes dark and hungry. His eyes travel the length of your body. He bites his bottom lip.

"Hmmm, we definitely don’t need these…" he groans, kissing a trail across your inner thigh 
as he slips his fingers underneath you lacy pink underwear. "They’re very cute, but they’ll just get in the way, won’t they baby?" He grins, slipping them off and onto the floor in one swift movement.

You giggle, still feeling giddy.

He positions himself between your legs, suckling on your neck as he does so.

"Baby, you trust me right?" he breathes against your skin, hot and already beaded with sweat. It’s a warm night.

"Of course…" You breathe, your voice a lot more husky than you intended it to be.

"Then let me guide you, baby. 오빠’s going to make you feel really good, 자기야…" he groans against your ear.

He runs his hand up your thigh, leaving love-bites along your collar bone.
You whimper, suddenly feeling anxious for him. His hand slides up across your hip and then back down between the two of you. He brushes his fingers against your core and you rear up, inhaling sharply.

"Mmm," he muses, "Already so wet for me baby? That’s my girl--"

His fingers flicker against your clitoris with expert precision. You gasp with every stroke, bucking your hips, but he holds you in place firmly, enjoying every moment of the sweet torture he is inflicting on you.

"Take me. Now, 오빠--" You groan impatiently, pulling him to you roughly.

He grunts and you can hear him fumbling with his belt. He manages to free himself and you 
feel him pressing against your slick opening, hard and ready. You moan and kiss his neck, licking at the soft skin there.

"OK babe," he says hurriedly, clearly out of breath. "I need you to do exactly what I tell you to, OK?"

You nod, suddenly nervous.
He kisses your lips, gently massaging them with his own. He presses his hand into the small 
of your back, indicating that you should arch it towards him. You comply at once.

"Take a deep breath baby…" he whispers into the kiss.

As you exhale, he sudden slips into you. You gasp and he stifles it with his lips. His tongue 
and lips continue to dominate yours even as he inches himself into you deeper and deeper, pulling your body up against his, making more room for himself. You feel your muscles stretching to accommodate him. At first you are a little uncomfortable and it stings a little. But as Jay guides you, his mouth hypnotically moving against yours, you feel yourself relax, body moulding itself to his so naturally.

You moan his name, whimpering as he slips in and out of you, pace increasing, and he seems to lose it. He grunts and thrusts into you a little harder.

"Fuck baby…" he groans. "So. Fucking. Tight! Just the way I like it."

He falls into a steady rhythm, pumping in and out of you harder and faster, his breath laboured, full concentration on eliciting moans and whimpers of his name from your lips.
His grip on your hips intensifies as he thrust into you deeper, his grunting primal.

"Fuck baby-- I want you to come for me-- When I’m inside you, OK?" he groans between thrusts. "Moan my name baby. I love it when you moan for me." You whimper, moaning his name, throwing your head back against the pillow as you feel him thrust in and out of you, your climax rising up from a place you didn’t know existed.

"Ah, fuck-- Baby…" he pants, hitching your thigh up around his waist so he can get a little deeper, "Come for오빠. Come for me now, baby. I can’t fucking take it anymore!" he groans, pleadingly.

"오빠," You pant, breathily, "I’m gunna--"

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train. You close your eyes tightly as you let your climax crash over you in waves. You arch your body up to meet his as he thrusts into you slowly but forcefully. He lifts you up so you are astride him as he sits on the bed, entangled amongst the sweat soaked sheets. Your body is still shuddering, orgasmic waves of pleasure still rippling through your body, as you feel him release inside you mere seconds later.

"Holy fuck…" he pants, planting kisses along your chest. "Damn baby…. You’re so fucking beautiful!" he whispers, lowering you back onto the pillow and propping himself up beside you.

You can’t seem to catch your breath, or move, let alone respond. You never knew anything could feel that fantastic. You both struggle to catch your breath, as he rolls over onto his side of the bed, pulling you onto his chest.
You smile, running your finger up and down his faint snail-trail.

"I love you, baby girl" he whispers, kissing the top of your head gently. "I’m so glad you’re all mine."

You smile, lifting your head to look up at him.

"Happy birthday, beautiful."


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